Roasted May 22, 202688 views88 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
In a population so overwhelmingly white that Wonder Bread looks exotic by comparison, Spring Lake is where young families go to die of boredom, surrounded by Dutch Reformed neighbors who think seasoning food is a sin against Calvin himself.
Spring Lake's culinary scene peaks at a place that brags about mixing 'white linen tablecloths with Wisconsin supper club' atmosphere. When your town's gastronomic crown jewel is literally described as fine dining cosplaying as a fish fry joint, maybe stick to the Biggby Coffee.
Spring Lake exists in the most awkward location possible, a drive out from Grand Rapids past endless strip malls and cornfields, yet somehow convinced it's sophisticated. It's the geographic equivalent of wearing khakis to both job interviews and barbecues.
In Spring Lake, having a Dutch last name isn't just heritage - it's your social credit score. The town's idea of diversity is debating whether to serve regular or decaf coffee at the Christian Reformed potluck. Even the Catholics feel like outcasts in this beige paradise of upper-middle-class conformity.
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