OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your town's claim to fame is a morel mushroom hunting championship, which tells you everything about the entertainment options here. While other places have professional sports teams, you've got people wandering through forests looking for fungi like it's the Olympics. At least the disappointment of not finding any matches the disappointment of living in northern Michigan year-round.
USA Today called Lake Charlevoix one of the 'Best Lakes in America,' which is like being voted 'Most Attractive Person at the DMV.' Sure, it's crystal clear - mainly because there's nothing interesting happening in it. You've built an entire town around a lake that's basically a very expensive swimming pool with a marina full of boats owned by people who visit twice a year.
Your 'delicious dining scene that rivals bigger cities' consists of Indo China Gardens (established 1998 and still the most exotic thing in town), Boppi's Pizza (40 years of the same recipe), and a place called Stiggs that thinks adding 'craft' to everything makes it special. The fact that your farmers market is considered the best restaurant attraction says everything about your culinary standards.
Nothing says 'we're desperate for tourism' like combining skiing with drinking at 9 AM and calling it a festival. Your Brew-Ski event features 200 different brews because apparently you need that many options to make a day in Boyne City tolerable. The fact that it runs from morning to midnight suggests even the organizers know people need serious liquid motivation to stay.
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