Roasted Mar 10, 2026165 views165 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Indian River really said 'we can't just build a big cross, we need a 55-foot Jesus the size of a building!' Because nothing screams spiritual fulfillment quite like a bronze giant looming over a forest in a town of two thousand people. Hundreds of thousands of people show up to gawk at your enormous bronze flex.
Indian River is so small that their biggest claim to fame is being 'between' two lakes—literally defining themselves by what they're sandwiched between. The entire town could fit in a Walmart parking lot, but hey, at least you've got a whole chain of lakes and rivers to choose from when you inevitably need to escape.
Nothing says 'we've run out of ideas' quite like greeting visitors with a giant fiberglass fish. Indian River put up a giant sturgeon statue because apparently the world's largest crucifix wasn't quirky enough. Welcome to town, here's our dead fish!
Burt and Mullett Lakes are among Michigan's biggest inland lakes, which is basically the geographical equivalent of being the third-place bronze medalist's younger siblings. Even your geography screams 'almost but not quite!' At least the water's nice?
Be the first to judge
Every share moves Indian River, Michigan up the leaderboard
Put Indian River in the ring with a rival. Four rounds, one survivor.
Or settle it with a neighbor:
The best roasts every Friday, delivered with mild apologies. Plus a heads-up when Indian River, Michigan gets hit again.
Want to win prizes? Join the contest →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.