ROAST MY TOWN

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THE ROAST BLOG

EVERY TOWN HAS A STORY

In-depth roasts and real talk about every town we've destroyed.

Stonehouse: The Town Where Yogurt Rules and Football Dreams

Welcome to Stonehouse, Gloucestershire—a place where Müller (a dairy company) churns out more excitement than the town itself, and where ...

MAY 25
Haslett, Michigan: Where Ghosts, Golf, and Government Jobs Go to Die (In That Order)

Welcome to Haslett, Michigan—the place where dreams don't come to die so much as they politely retire to a modest ranch home with a 15-to...

MAY 23
Larkhall, Scotland: The Town Where Green Goes to Die

Nestled between the River Clyde and the M74 motorway, Larkhall sits on high ground between the River Clyde to the East and the Avon Water...

MAY 22
Spring Lake, Michigan: Where Beige Goes to Feel Fabulous

When most people think "vacation destination," Spring Lake, Michigan doesn't exactly spring to mind. But hey, neither does watching paint...

MAY 22
Grand Haven: Where Small-Town America Goes Full Tourist Trap Mode

Grand Haven, Michigan—the self-proclaimed "Coast Guard City, USA"—is a fascinating study in how a perfectly decent lakefront community ca...

MAY 22
Stanwood, Michigan: Where Small-Town Dreams Go to Retire Early

Looking for a place where "population boom" refers to gaining three new residents in a decade? Welcome to Stanwood, Michigan—a village so...

MAY 22
The End of the Road: How Primm, Nevada Became America's First Gambling Ghost Town

Welcome to the middle of nowhere, folks! If you've ever wondered what happens when Las Vegas and a truck stop have a baby that nobody rea...

MAY 22
The City That Never Sleeps (But Should Probably Nap): A Brutally Honest Guide to Las Vegas, Nevada

Welcome to Sin City, where dreams come to die faster than your grandmother's slot machine strategy. Las Vegas is home to approximately 66...

MAY 21
The Great Mason Mishap: How a Small Michigan Town Almost Conquered the Capital but Settled for Styrofoam Supremacy

The Almost-Capital That Couldn't Close the Deal

MAY 21
When Fowlerville, Michigan Became America's Most Accidentally Famous Small Town

Welcome to Fowlerville, Michigan — a town so small it makes a mall parking lot look spacious, yet somehow managed to make national headli...

MAY 21
Mount Pleasant, Michigan: The College Town That Sells Its Soul Every Semester

Welcome to Mount Pleasant, Michigan—a city whose name is essentially false advertising and whose primary export is students who can't wai...

MAY 21
The Great American Desert Mirage: A Tourist's Guide to Phoenix's Sun-Baked Reality

Welcome, brave travelers, to the sprawling monument to air conditioning that is Phoenix, Arizona. This concrete oasis is home to 1.64 mil...

MAY 21
Welcome to Ossineke: The Town Where Dreams Go to Decompose (Just Like 30,000 Pizzas)

Picture this: you're driving down US-23 through Northern Michigan, and suddenly you spot a large statue of Paul Bunyan with a neutered Ba...

MAY 21
Marco Island: Where Millionaires Go to Hibernate (And Drive to Naples for Chain Restaurants)

The Great Snowbird Migration: Population Mathematics That Would Baffle NASA

MAY 21
Naples, Florida: Where Your Retirement Dreams Meet Reality's Price Tag

Welcome to Naples, Florida—named by early promoters who claimed its bay's beauty "surpassed the bay of Naples, Italy"—a city where the mo...

MAY 21
Mount Pleasant, Michigan: Where Geography Gets Confused and Dreams Go to Study

Welcome to Mount Pleasant, Michigan – the 93rd most populated city in the state of Michigan out of 1,520 cities and living proof that som...

MAY 21
Holt, Michigan: Where Dreams Go to Disc Golf and Other Suburban Delights

Welcome to Holt, Michigan—a place so perfectly average, it could be the poster child for "aggressively adequate." This unincorporated com...

MAY 20
From Fire to Fury: How Holt Turned Its Biggest Disaster Into Its Poshest Flex

With a population of just 3,810, this North Norfolk market town has somehow managed to convince the world it's a Georgian architectural m...

MAY 20
Hamilton, Scotland: The Town That Turned Palaces Into Parking Lots

Picture a place where architectural ambition meets economic reality so hard it creates a sonic boom that lasts 15 seconds. Welcome to Ham...

MAY 17
The Charmingly Forgotten: A Travel Guide to Delta, Ohio

Welcome to Delta, Ohio, a village so delightfully unremarkable that it makes mayonnaise seem spicy. But don't let that discourage you—som...

MAY 17
Welcome to Wauseon: Where Farm Life Meets Questionable Life Choices

Picture this: You're driving through northwest Ohio when suddenly, you hit a town that looks like someone mixed Norman Rockwell's fever d...

MAY 17
Westbury, NY: Where Suburban Dreams Go to Spin in Circles

Welcome to Westbury, New York—the Long Island community that proves sometimes the journey is the destination, especially when that journe...

MAY 11
The Beta Test Bedroom Community Where Even Flowers Don't Want to Bloom

Welcome to Carle Place, New York—a hamlet that was literally the prototype for the American Dream, originally known as Frog Hollow and Mi...

MAY 11
Dhaka: Where Getting Stuck in Traffic Becomes a Lifestyle Choice

Let's be clear from the start: Dhaka is the bustling capital of Bangladesh and one of the most densely populated cities in the world. Wit...

MAY 10
Washington, D.C.: Where Democracy Goes to Die (And Your Budget Goes to Brunch)

Welcome to Washington, District of Columbia – America's most expensive therapy session, where over 702,000 people have collectively decid...

APR 24
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