Roasted Mar 10, 2026131 views131 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Pellston's entire identity is being the "Icebox of the Nation" with fewer than a thousand people who brag about hitting -51°F in 1934. Imagine your town's greatest achievement being so cold that even polar bears would ask for a sweater. The sign literally advertises misery as a tourist attraction.
With around 800 residents scattered across a village you could cross before your coffee gets cold, Pellston has the social dynamics of a high school cafeteria where everyone's related by marriage or frostbite. The most exciting event is probably watching someone's car not start in the morning. Privacy died here faster than car batteries in January.
The University of Michigan Biological Station set up shop on Douglas Lake, just outside Pellston, because nothing says "advanced scientific research" like a neighborhood where your car battery gives up before the grad students do. These students pay tuition to experience what Siberian researchers get hazard pay for. It's like a semester abroad, if abroad meant the North Pole.
Pellston Regional Airport serves as the town's crown jewel, proving that even frozen wastelands need runways for emergency medical evacuations. The airport probably has more de-icing equipment than actual passengers, and the terminal doubles as the town's main social gathering spot whenever the few daily flights get cancelled due to "weather."
Be the first to judge
Every share moves Pellston, Michigan up the leaderboard
Put Pellston in the ring with a rival. Four rounds, one survivor.
Or settle it with a neighbor:
The best roasts every Friday, delivered with mild apologies. Plus a heads-up when Pellston, Michigan gets hit again.
Want to win prizes? Join the contest →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.