OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your biggest tourist attraction is Dinosaur Gardens, a Christian nature trail with reproduction dinosaurs that kids can't even climb. You've managed to create the world's least exciting Jurassic Park where the most thrilling activity is mini golf.
You're so famous for your giant Paul Bunyan statue that they had to specify it's paired with a "neutered" Babe the Blue Ox. Nothing says small-town charm like emasculated roadside attractions from the 1950s.
Your entire food scene revolves around plate-sized cinnamon rolls at Connie's Cafe. The fact that people drive hours to your town of 932 people for oversized breakfast pastry tells you everything about what passes for excitement here.
In 1973, you literally held a funeral for 30,000 pizzas, complete with the governor giving a eulogy. The pizzas weren't even contaminated - the mice just didn't like them. Somehow this remains your most historically significant event.
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