Roasted May 20, 202692 views92 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Living in the shadow of Michigan's capital like a little brother who peaked in high school. You're a suburb whose main job is housing people who sleep here before going somewhere important. The most exciting thing about Holt is that it's right next to somewhere else.
Your entire food scene revolves around seasonal markets with 'gourmet food trucks' and a strip of Cedar Street restaurants that never got the memo about fine dining. Nothing says culinary sophistication like a parking lot with a menu. At least you're honest about being mediocre.
Your crown jewel attraction is a park where the main selling points are disc golf and cross-country skiing. Congratulations, you've achieved what every suburb dreams of: aggressively adequate outdoor recreation. The fact that the best thing to do in town is walk in the woods tells us everything about Holt's nightlife scene.
Your big entertainment venue is a roller rink where adults go to relive middle school, complete with a 'new' arcade that's new only by Holt standards. Nothing captures Holt's energy like a skating rink where the biggest thrill is going in circles. Even your fun is aggressively retro and desperately wholesome.
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