Roasted May 23, 202681 views81 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
BusinessWeek once put you on a best-places-to-raise-kids list, and you've been coasting on that participation trophy ever since. Your biggest claim to fame is a lake that's smaller than most Walmart parking lots and an amusement park that died in the early 1970s. Nothing says 'thriving community' like peaking with a wooden roller coaster.
Roughly 450 acres of water and you act like you've got Lake Superior in your backyard. A sailing community for a pond that wouldn't qualify as a decent bass fishing spot in most states. The highlight of your lake is that it used to be called Pine Lake, which is the single most generic name in the Michigan lake catalog. Even the state was embarrassed by your lack of originality.
Your school district's mission is to make kids 'READY TO SHAPE THEIR FUTURE' - which apparently means 'ready to commute to a government job in Lansing.' The most diverse thing about your schools is whether kids end up at Michigan State or Central Michigan. Your high school's biggest achievement is sending graduates all the way to MSU - congratulations on making it 5 miles from home.
You're like the human equivalent of asking for ranch dressing on everything - technically part of Michigan but missing all the flavor. Your downtown is so forgettable that even your own residents drive to East Lansing for entertainment. The most exciting thing that's happened since 1974 was probably someone opening a new Subway.
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