Roasted 1h ago1 view1 pt
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
In 2012 the city council spent actual government time voting to designate the 'Historic Tampa Cuban Sandwich,' salami included. Miami's mayor answered with 'salami is for pizza,' and your entire municipal government has been sitting in the corner with a Genoa-scented grudge ever since. Congrats on winning the sandwich war the way Tampa wins everything: with a resolution nobody outside the city limits has ever read.
Gasparilla is a fake-pirate invasion invented by rich guys in a social club, where thousands of adults in eyeliner and bead necklaces get hammered at 10 a.m. to celebrate a pirate who never existed. And your football team is named after the same bit, so the whole city has committed to the cosplay full-time. Tampa is the only place where 'we were robbed' is both a sports complaint and a historical theme.
When the RNC rolled in, Jon Stewart and every other national comedian piled on the humidity and the strip club headlines. Visiting delegates complained about what the air did to their hair, which is the nicest thing anyone has ever said about Tampa's atmosphere. You live in a city so damp that the sky has to settle its scores every afternoon at 4 p.m. with lightning.
Every few months a local news station gets another 'Florida Man' headline out of the Bay area, and the Tampa Bay Times is basically the meme's unofficial paper of record. Your most famous export after cigars and sandwiches is a guy in a Florida Man headline, and everyone from Clearwater to Brandon knows he's somebody's uncle. Tampa isn't trying to shake the reputation, it's on the payroll.
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