Roasted Apr 6, 2026203 views1 share204 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Miami's the only place where everyone drives a Bentley but splits the lease four ways. Half the cars at LIV are rentals, and the other half are financed at 29% interest by guys who live in studio apartments. You're not fooling anyone with that lease-to-own McLaren, Tyler from Ohio.
Those iconic pastel buildings from the 1930s are beautiful, but they're now surrounded by people who look like they were dipped in bronzer and inflated with a tire pump. Ocean Drive's historic architecture deserves better than being the backdrop for every wannabe influencer's thirst trap content.
Nothing says 'Miami culture' like waiting three hours for crabs that cost more per pound than premium steak, just so you can tell people you ate at the place Martha Stewart frequents. It's been charging these prices since 1913 because apparently the concept of a discount died somewhere around the Coolidge administration.
Miami Heat games are like expensive therapy sessions where everyone shows up fashionably late and leaves before the fourth quarter to beat traffic. The team has three championships and the fanbase still can't commit to staying past halftime unless a superstar is in town.
Be the first to judge
Every share moves Miami, Florida up the leaderboard
Put Miami in the ring with a rival. Four rounds, one survivor.
Or settle it with a neighbor:
The best roasts every Friday, delivered with mild apologies. Plus a heads-up when Miami, Florida gets hit again.
Want to win prizes? Join the contest →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.