OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
A city where the median home price is $576,169, which is more than double the national average and the average cost of homeowners insurance in Florida was reportedly $10,996. Even the grim reaper checks his 401k balance twice before moving here.
From roughly 22,000 swells to 80,000+ from January through April as snowbirds return. It's like living in a retirement home that transforms into Spring Break for people who complain about their grandkids' music. Restaurants require reservations especially on weekends, US 41 traffic slows to a crawl - paradise with a side of geriatric road rage.
Naples has more golf courses per capita than anywhere else in the world, with over 80 championship courses. Because nothing says "I've made it" like paying six figures to complain about sand traps in a state that's literally built on sand. It's hobby hoarding for people who peaked at their country club back in Ohio.
Even the wealthy are bailing - What started as a refined retirement haven is now packed with snowbirds, endless construction, heavy traffic. When your own millionaires are saying "We sold our place in Naples and bought something twice as nice here for half the price. Now we actually enjoy the beach instead of fighting crowds to get to it", you know you've jumped the shark fin.
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