Huntley, Illinois

Roasted Mar 10, 202695 views95 pts

We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.

CULTURE

Friendly village with country charm and dead malls

Huntley's best-known retail landmark was an outlet mall that opened in 2004 and ended up demolished by 2017. They marketed themselves as the "Friendly Village with Country Charm," but apparently that charm couldn't keep a single store from fleeing their crown jewel shopping center. Nothing says "thriving community" like watching your main tourist attraction turn into a pile of rubble.

GEOGRAPHY

Suburb of chicago that takes an hour to reach

At roughly 50 miles northwest of Chicago, Huntley is technically a "Chicago suburb" the same way that Alaska is technically part of America. Sure, you can commute to the city if you enjoy spending more time in traffic than actually working. The village sits perfectly positioned to give you all the excitement of rural Illinois with the cost of living that assumes you're making Chicago money.

PEOPLE

Huntley: where youth goes to die

With a giant active-adult Sun City community parked on the edge of town, Huntley has successfully created a place where the most rebellious thing teenagers can do is complain that there's nothing for them to do. The village perfectly embodies suburban purgatory: safe enough that your biggest crime worry is someone stealing your Amazon packages, but boring enough that you'll actually miss them.

FOOD

Pub 47 and culver's: fine dining huntley style

Huntley's culinary scene peaks at a bar and grill called Pub 47 and the local Culver's, because nothing screams "sophisticated palate" like cheese curds and ButterBurgers. For the truly adventurous, there's Buffalo Wild Wings, where you can pretend you're watching important sports while eating wings that have seen more preservatives than a mummy. At least the farmers market exists, so you can buy overpriced tomatoes to feel cultured.