Roasted Mar 9, 2026783 views4 shares787 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Chicago spent decades convincing the world deep dish is our signature food while secretly ordering thin crust at every neighborhood joint. You made us the city that's famous for pizza we eat twice a year when tourists visit.
Four Illinois governors in prison, but hey, at least your sports teams consistently underperform too. The Cubs broke their curse just to immediately return to mediocrity, while the White Sox literally made history by losing more games than any modern team.
You've built an entire municipal identity around aggressively policing condiment choices like food fascists. Imagine being so insecure about a hot dog that you make 'no ketchup' your defining cultural rule.
You nicknamed yourselves 'Windy City' after your own political windbags, then spent a century pretending it was about actual wind. And 'Second City' is just you admitting you're not New York. With 189 sunny days a year, you're basically a slightly sunnier Seattle with worse crime and more political corruption.
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