OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Oblong literally named itself after its prairie's unfortunate shape—because nothing screams 'tourism destination' like being the geographical equivalent of a stretched-out rectangle. They were originally called 'Henpeck' after Henry Peck's general store, which honestly would have been way funnier.
From nearly 1,900 residents at its '70s peak to barely 1,300 today, Oblong is basically the town equivalent of a washed-up one-hit wonder. At this rate of decline, their 'Annual Hootenanny' will soon just be three people and a banjo in someone's backyard.
The Illinois Oil Field Museum showcases 'early oilfield artifacts'—because nothing says thrilling weekend getaway like staring at rusty drilling equipment from 1906. It's one of only seven oil field museums in America, which tells you everything about how desperate people are for this kind of entertainment.
Their big yearly celebration features 'live music, classic cars, and locally made food'—basically a church potluck with delusions of grandeur. When your town's cultural highlight is something called a 'Hootenanny,' you know you're scraping the bottom of the excitement barrel.
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