OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Glen Ellyn went through several names including Babcock's Grove, DuPage Center, Stacy's Corners, Newton's Station, Danby, and Prospect Park before finally settling on a Welsh translation of some guy's wife's name. Even the town founders couldn't decide what to call this place, probably because 'Generic Suburb #47' was already taken.
High school girls regularly take over restaurant seats to eat lunches they brought from home, with maybe one girl actually ordering something while the rest freeload seating. Glen Ellyn: where even the teenagers know the food scene is so unremarkable they'd rather brown-bag it than support local businesses.
Local reviews obsess over burgers with religious fervor, repeatedly screaming 'AMAZING BURGERS!' in all caps. When your town's cultural peak is debating whether Main Street Pub or Ellyn's Tap has better beef patties, you've basically become a strip mall with a zip code.
Glen Ellyn discovered mineral springs in 1890 and tried marketing itself as 'Chicago's newest health resort,' opening the Lake Glen Ellyn Hotel the same year their business district burned down. Nothing says 'relaxing spa destination' like watching your downtown go up in flames while you soak in questionable water.
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