OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Nightlife is 'very limited but if you're raising a family, why would you care about that?' Nothing says peak entertainment like asking your neighbors if they want to have a playdate while watching kids splash in one of your FOUR community pools. The pools are packed, neighbors chat on Adirondack chairs and the evenings end with fireworks — because apparently this is what passes for Vegas in Chesterfield County.
Residents pay a fee to join the Woodlake Community Association, gaining access to the area's facilities and events because nothing screams authentic community like literally purchasing your neighbor relationships. Every Tuesday all summer long, we do a maker's mark, which other people call a farmer's market or a crafts fair — imagine being so isolated from reality you have to rename basic suburban amenities to sound special.
The neighborhood is about 30min away from Richmond which makes working there convenient however, rush-hour traffic can be a nightmare — nothing like paying $525,677 median real estate price to sit in traffic for an hour each way to your actual job. You're basically funding a lakefront lifestyle to watch other people's boats while you're stuck on Route 288 contemplating your life choices.
Residents can dine at diverse restaurants like Fest Biergarten, Mr. Pepe Mexican Restaurant, Gino's Pizzeria & Italian and Zheng Garden Chinese — because when you're living the dream life, apparently it involves strip mall Chinese and a pizza joint that sounds like it was named by someone who's never been to Italy. For dessert, they go to The Treat Shop, peer into the clear case and choose from donuts — truly the pinnacle of sophisticated suburban dining.
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