Richmond, Virginia

Roasted Mar 19, 2026124 views124 pts

We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.

SPORTS

Flying squirrels: the most embarrassing team name in sports

Only Richmond would take a beautiful ballpark and name their team after something that literally glides from tree to tree because it can't be bothered to actually fly. Your minor league baseball team was named through a fan contest where "Hambones" won the vote, and the owners tossed it and picked Flying Squirrels like that was somehow less embarrassing. At least the team slogan "Have FUNN, Go NUTS" admits this whole thing is a joke.

HISTORY

Confederate capital tries really hard to be cool now

Richmond spent four years as the Confederate capital, and now desperately wants everyone to know they have craft breweries and trendy restaurants. Young transplants stay because it's "cheaper than larger cities" and has "hip" things like breweries and nouveau Southern cuisine. Nothing says authentic cool like frantically explaining to everyone that you're totally different now and definitely not stuck in the past.

FOOD

Ukrop's rainbow cookies are your entire personality

Richmonders still worship a grocery store chain called Ukrop's that got swallowed up by Giant and get genuinely excited about rainbow cookies. Your idea of local pride is literally "pass the rainbow cookies". Most cities have signature dishes that are actually impressive, but Richmond's culinary identity peaked with grocery store bakery items that your mom used to buy.

PEOPLE

Virginia's awkward middle child with an identity crisis

Virginia can't figure out what it is, and Richmond perfectly embodies this identity crisis as a "perpetual purple state" filled with "beach-loving rednecks". You desperately explain that Northern Virginia is full of Yankees while Richmond is "the South" with "southern hospitality," as if anyone asked. Half the people who work in Richmond commute in from the suburbs because apparently even your own workforce knows better.