Roasted Jun 1, 202685 views85 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your population is a diverse mix of government contractors, all 100% convinced they're too important for traffic laws because they work "near DC." You're not from DC - you live in a suburban wasteland where the most exciting thing is deciding between strip mall #47 and strip mall #73 for dinner.
You turned the site of actual Confederate fortifications into a place where your biggest conflict is merging onto I-66 during rush hour. At least when Joseph Johnston's army dug in on your hillsides, they had somewhere important to go - unlike your daily commute to another beige office building.
Congratulations, you're technically not even a real town - just a "census-designated place" that can't decide if it wants to be Centreville or Centerville. Your claim to fame is being an unincorporated blob of tens of thousands in Fairfax County, where nearly everyone lives in an unincorporated blob anyway, which makes you a blob among blobs.
Your traffic pattern is a masterpiece of suburban misery, forcing locals into baffling detours just to get to the other side of I-66 - the same highway that carries well over 100,000 vehicles per day through your strip mall paradise. Even your road engineers gave up and called it "interesting" instead of admitting they designed a suburban nightmare.
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