OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your biggest claim to fame is having over 100 brain tumors linked to your high school. They literally found a grapefruit-sized radioactive rock in a science closet, but sure, keep calling it the "Garden State."
You produced Kelsey Grammer, who immediately invented a character desperate to escape to the most pretentious corner of America possible. Residents literally say "there's not much to do" and escape to neighboring towns for fun.
Your only distinguishing feature is being the Garden State Parkway's only service plaza on private property. Even your own historian compares you to the Bronx, which is basically admitting you're the scrappy afterthought nobody planned for.
You've got Tico Torres from Bon Jovi, but not even stadium rock energy could make this place interesting. You're literally just a "bedroom community" where people sleep before commuting to actual cities.
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