ROAST MY TOWN

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THE ROAST BLOG

EVERY TOWN HAS A STORY

In-depth roasts and real talk about every town we've destroyed.

Welcome to Blankenese: Where Your Mercedes Gets Wet and Your Wallet Gets Empty

Picture this: You're driving through Hamburg when suddenly the GPS starts speaking in numbers that sound suspiciously like your student l...

APR 21
From Third-Place Glory to Skull Tower Tours: Why Niš is Serbia's Most Hilariously Historic City

Welcome to Niš, Serbia's self-proclaimed "gateway between East and West" that's somehow managed to turn human skulls into a tourist attra...

APR 21
Belgrade: Where Ancient History Meets Modern Chaos (And Everyone's Having a Blast)

Welcome to Belgrade, the capital of Serbia where civilizations have fought over the city in 115 wars and razed it to the ground 44 times—...

APR 21
Vermont's Most Overlooked Town: A Deep Dive into Wheelock's Spectacular Mediocrity

Picture this: you're driving through Vermont, expecting maple syrup farms and charming covered bridges, when suddenly you stumble upon Wh...

APR 21
Minnesota's Quaint Little Identity Crisis: A Love Letter to Zumbrota's Single Bridge Energy

Welcome to the "only Zumbrota in the world," a distinction that feels both oddly specific and surprisingly necessary in a state where mos...

APR 21
Where Money Goes to Bore Itself: A Winchester, Massachusetts Travel Guide

If you've ever wondered what happens when wealth decides to take a very long, very expensive nap, look no further than Winchester, Massac...

APR 21
Population 811: When Your Main Street Is Actually Just a Trail

There's something deliciously Vermont about Greensboro—a town so small that its "downtown" consists of basically one general store and a ...

APR 21
Lisbon: The Capital That Turned Its Own Citizens into Digital Nomads (Out of Financial Necessity)

Welcome to Lisbon, Portugal's sun-soaked capital where the only thing rising faster than the rent prices is the number of locals fleeing ...

APR 21
Boston: Where Dunkin' Runs the Show and Your GPS Gives Up

Welcome to Boston, Massachusetts – a city that somehow convinced 675,647 people that paying $3.50 for watery coffee while dodging death-t...

APR 21
Hamburg, Germany: The Port City That Made Debauchery Boring

Picture this: You're Germany's second-largest city, home to over 1.9 million people and the country's largest port. You've been dubbed "G...

APR 21
Madrid: Europe's Capital of Delusion, Excellent Ham, and Capital City Syndrome

Welcome, brave souls, to the city that has mastered the art of turning basic pub food into "cultural heritage" and somehow convinced ever...

APR 21
Singapore: Where Dreams Go to Pay Taxes and Follow Rules

Oh, Singapore. The tiny island nation that somehow convinced the world it's a cultural powerhouse while simultaneously being the most exp...

APR 16
Dubai: The City That Thinks Vegas Went Too Subtle

Dubai is what happens when someone wins the lottery and decides the first purchase should be "everything gold-plated in the middle of a d...

APR 15
Sydney: Where $40 Lattes Meet Instagram Fame and the Bank Balance Goes to Die

Welcome to Sydney, Australia's glittering harbor city where the Opera House's white sails catch more sunlight than your savings account w...

APR 12
The 6ix Degrees of Delusion: A Love Letter to Toronto's Center-of-the-Universe Complex

Where "The Most Multicultural City" Still Can't Handle Pineapple Pizza

APR 10
London: Where Tradition Goes to Die (Expensively)

Welcome to London, a city that's spent 2,000 years perfecting the art of making everything cost more than your mortgage while somehow con...

APR 8
Miami: Where Lambos Meet Latin Flavor in a City That's Perpetually Ready for Its Close-Up

Welcome to Miami, where the American dream comes with a side of stone crab and a 29% APR! This sultry South Florida metropolis has master...

APR 6
Los Angeles: America's Ultimate Desert Mirage Where Dreams Come Plastic-Wrapped

The Numbers Don't Lie (But the Botox Helps)

APR 3
Welcome to Glenview, Illinois: Where Dreams Come to Pay $600K for Mall Access

Picture this: You've just dropped nearly three-quarters of a million dollars on a house so you can be really close to Target. Welcome to ...

APR 1
San Diego: America's Most Expensive Identity Crisis

Ah, San Diego — the city that desperately wants you to believe it's "America's Finest City" while simultaneously charging you $940,000 fo...

MAR 29
New York City: The Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Go to Pay Rent

Welcome to the Big Apple, where 10,020,520 inhabitants have collectively decided that paying $3,000 a month to live in what's essentially...

MAR 29
When Paradise Meets Pretension: A Brutally Honest Guide to Laguna Beach, California

Welcome to Laguna Beach, where the donation is the largest in the Laguna Beach museum's history because apparently spending millions on c...

MAR 26
When Life Gives You Hollywood: A Survival Guide to Tinseltown's Beautiful Madness

Welcome to Hollywood, California — the only place on Earth where your parking meter costs more than your hometown's monthly rent, and eve...

MAR 26
Gilbert, Arizona: The Town That Built America's Most Boring Theme Park

From Hay Capital to Hockey Parent Paradise

MAR 26
Oak Ridge, Tennessee: When America's Nuclear Secrets Meet Suburban Chain Restaurant Culture

Welcome to Oak Ridge, Tennessee—the "Atomic City, the Secret City, and the City Behind a Fence"—where the most dangerous weapons in human...

MAR 24
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