ROAST MY TOWN

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THE ROAST BLOG

EVERY TOWN HAS A STORY

In-depth roasts and real talk about every town we've destroyed.

From Golden Balls to Romance Novels: A Brutally Honest Guide to Knoxville, Tennessee

Welcome to Knoxville, Tennessee—a city that somehow convinced 11 million people to pay to see the Big Ears Festival and built a new Sunsp...

MAR 24
Argos, Indiana: The Town Where Greek Mythology Went to Die (And Took Tourism With It)

Welcome to Argos, Indiana—a place so small that its population of 1,777 could comfortably fit in a mid-sized concert venue, and probably ...

MAR 23
Nashville, Tennessee: Where Dreams Go to Bartend in Boots

Welcome to Music City, where the honky-tonk never stops, the hot chicken burns eternally, and approximately 689,447 people live in denial...

MAR 23
Kingston, Tennessee: The Town That Made "One Day Capital" Look Like an Overachiever

Kingston is a city in and the county seat of Roane County, Tennessee, United States. As of the 2020 census, Kingston had a population of ...

MAR 23
Lake Balboa: The San Fernando Valley Neighborhood That Tried to Escape Its Own Past (But Can't Escape the Noise)

Welcome to Lake Balboa, California — the neighborhood with an identity crisis so severe it literally changed its name and hoped no one wo...

MAR 23
The Premium Suburb That's Paying Extra to Watch Other People's Boats

Where Six-Figure Incomes Buy Strip Mall Dreams

MAR 23
New Haven, Connecticut: Where Pizza Dreams Meet Gothic Nightmares (And Your GPS Goes to Die)

Welcome to New Haven, Connecticut—the first planned city in the United States, founded in 1638 as a co-capital of the state during the Co...

MAR 23
Mamou, Louisiana: Where Cajun Culture Meets Comedic Reality

When 2,936 people decide to declare themselves the epicenter of Cajun music, you know you're either witnessing the birth of delusions of ...

MAR 23
Mamou, Guinea: Where Travel Dreams Go to Die (And Maybe Find Themselves)

Welcome to Mamou, Guinea's self-proclaimed "Gateway to Fouta Djallon" – a title that's about as impressive as calling yourself the doorma...

MAR 23
Charlotte, North Carolina: The Queen City That Can't Decide If It's Wall Street or NASCAR Valley

Welcome to Charlotte, North Carolina—a city so confused about its identity it built a $160 million NASCAR Hall of Fame right downtown and...

MAR 23
When Your GPS Can't Find Paradise: A Boiling Springs, SC Adventure Guide

The Town That Lost Its Fizz (But Kept Its Charm)

MAR 23
Where Presidential Legacies Go to Die: A Journey Through Hermitage, Tennessee's Traffic Jams and Glory Days

When most people think of presidential tourism, they picture Mount Vernon's stately elegance or Monticello's architectural genius. Then t...

MAR 23
Spartanburg, South Carolina: Where Dreams Come to Be Aggressively Mediocre

Welcome to Spartanburg, the city that proves you don't need to aim high to hit your target. This "Sparkle City" (we'll get to that tragic...

MAR 23
The Last Suburb on Earth: Why Old Hickory, Tennessee Is Nashville's Strangest Neighbor

If you've ever wondered what happens when a chemical company plays God with urban planning, may I present Old Hickory, Tennessee—a neighb...

MAR 23
The Ultimate Guide to Beaverton, Oregon: Where Corporate Dreams Go to Die (Slowly and Comfortably)

Welcome to Beaverton, Oregon—the city literally named after beaver dams and stagnant water. With 97,494 residents as of the 2020 census, ...

MAR 23
Kingsport, Tennessee: Where Dreams Come to Die (But The Carousel Lives Forever)

Welcome to Kingsport, Tennessee—a city with a melody in its name and a history etched in stone and steel, where the first Pal's opened in...

MAR 23
Martin, Tennessee: Where Soybeans Reign Supreme and College Dreams Come to Life

Picture this: a town that genuinely threw a parade for beans. Not coffee beans. Not jelly beans. Soybeans. Welcome to Martin, Tennessee, ...

MAR 23
Waverly, Tennessee: Where Even Nature Can't Make Up Its Mind

A Town Built on Spectacular Failures (And One Famous Neighbor)

MAR 23
When 300 Was Too Spartan: Inside New Jersey's Playground for Fake Aristocrats

Welcome to Sparta, New Jersey – where the only thing more artificial than the lake is the Swiss-German architecture surrounding it. This ...

MAR 23
Garfield, New Jersey: The Hidden Polish Paradise That Manhattan Commuters Can Actually Afford

Welcome to Garfield, New Jersey – where dreams go to pay slightly less rent while still pretending they live "near the city." Nestled in ...

MAR 23
The Grand Strand's Greatest Hit: Surviving Myrtle Beach, South Carolina's Organized Chaos

Welcome to Myrtle Beach, South Carolina—"popularly known as the Grand Strand" and spanning "60 miles along the northeast coast" where you...

MAR 23
Chattanooga: Where Tow Trucks Meet Michelin Stars and Nobody Talks About the Air Quality

The "Scenic City" That Made Its Fortune Celebrating Car Problems

MAR 23
New London, Connecticut: Where History Meets Dysfunction (And the Coast Guard Pretends Not to See)

The Whaling Capital That Peaked 150 Years Ago

MAR 22
Missouri's Most Accidentally Hilarious Town: Your Complete Guide to Stover

When a town literally named itself after agricultural leftovers and somehow still manages to exist in 2026, you know you've stumbled onto...

MAR 22
Kansas City, Missouri: The BBQ Capital That Peaked in the Jazz Age (And Is Still Trying to Convince Everyone It's Cool)

Welcome to Kansas City, Missouri — the 520,000-person metropolis that's spent nearly a century playing catch-up to its own golden era. Th...

MAR 22
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