Larkhall, Scotland: The Town Where Green Goes to Die
Nestled between the River Clyde and the M74 motorway, Larkhall sits on high ground between the River Clyde to the East and the Avon Water to the West, about 14 miles (23 km) southeast of Glasgow. With a population of 14,951 in the 2011 UK Census, this South Lanarkshire town has built quite the reputation—and not for its scenic location in the scenic Clyde valley or its status as a commuter town for Glasgow. No, Larkhall is famous for something far more peculiar: its apparent war against the color green.
The Great Green Purge: When Traffic Lights Fear for Their Lives
Let's address the elephant—or should I say the absent shamrock—in the room. GREEN is a colour noticeable by its absence in Larkhall, earning it the big reputation as Scotland's most sectarian community. The town's relationship with green is so complicated that 205 traffic lights have gone since 2005, with locals pointing fingers at everything from sectarianism to simple vandalism.
The evidence is everywhere if you look—or rather, if you notice what's missing. Subway, the sandwich chain which opened in the town's main street, uses standard green livery throughout Britain but in Larkhall it is black. Moss Pharmacy changed its front colours from green and white to red, white and blue, while there have been reports that Telewest boxes - originally green - were vandalised and reappeared blue. Even a chain of Indian restaurants is green and white in Hamilton, while the Larkhall branch is blue and white.
Whether this stems from the Protestant majority, residents mainly support Rangers F.C., to the point where it was noted in 2008 that the colour green—which is associated with that team's rivals Celtic F.C.—is avoided by retailers, or is simply the work of a few vandals, depends on who you ask. A local authority study in 2017 found that sectarianism was not a major issue in the town, though try telling that to the traffic lights.
From Skylarks to Smokestacks: A Tale of Industrial Rise and Fall
Larkhall's name has origins dating back to 1620, possibly derived from the Scots word "laverock" meaning skylark, though it's more likely that Laverock was simply a surname. The original name was Laverockhaugh, which meant laverock - skylark and haugh - boggy/wet area—a poetic beginning for what would become a gritty industrial powerhouse.
The town's real story begins in the late 18th century. With slight exception it began to be built about 1776, and for 15 or 20 years continued to be only a small village. It then was rapidly extended, chiefly by means of building societies. By the 1840s, weaving dominated local production with 42% of Larkhall's population engaged as weavers, capitalizing on the hydraulic power from the Clyde Valley's rivers, including the nearby Avon Water.
Coal extraction intensified during the 19th century, as collieries in Larkhall and adjacent Craigneuk expanded operations from the 1860s onward. Mining developed in the town attracting many Irish immigrants, setting the stage for the religious tensions that would later define the town's character. Today, most of Larkhall's traditional industries have now closed down, including the Lanarkshire ironworks.
The Viaduct: Scotland's Most Expensive Selfie Backdrop
Standing as a testament to both Victorian engineering ambition and modern neglect, Morgan Glen viaduct stands over the Avon Water, built between 1898 and 1904 for the Caledonian Railway company by Sir William Arrol & Co., spanning 285 yards (261 m) at a height of 175 feet (53 m), making it the tallest viaduct in Scotland.
The problem? The viaduct is in a state of disrepair since the closure of the railway line in 1965 and is closed to public access for safety reasons. It's Category B listed and currently on the Buildings at Risk Register for Scotland. In the 1990s, the viaduct was under the threat of dismantling but was protected by a local heritage group—because nothing says "heritage preservation" like letting something slowly crumble for 60 years while tourists snap Instagram photos from a safe distance.
Rangers, Religion, and Really Strong Opinions
Let's be honest: Because of the Protestant majority, residents mainly support Rangers F.C. We're talking about a town where The Church of Scotland has most adherents at 7,416 persons (49.6% of the population) compared to 1,247 Roman Catholics (8.3% of the population). The football allegiance runs so deep that the town has made avoiding Celtic's green a municipal pastime.
The irony? Larkhall actually has its own football teams: Larkhall Thistle F.C. and Royal Albert F.C., with Royal Albert now playing in Stonehouse while Larkhall Thistle plays at Gasworks Park, both competing in the Third Division (fourth tier) of the West of Scotland Football League. Royal Albert was once a full member of the Scottish Football League—back when the town had higher aspirations than being Rangers' unofficial tribute act.
For those seeking less controversial sporting pursuits, the town offers a 9 hole municipal Golf Course which was founded in 1909 and Larkhall YMCA Harriers, established in 1930, one of Scotland's longest established Running & Athletics clubs whose members have performed with distinction at District, Inter-Districts, Scottish, British and International level, including the Olympic Games.
The Verdict: A Town Caught Between Past and Present
Modern Larkhall finds itself in an awkward position. Trains returned to the town in December 2005, with the opening of the new Larkhall railway station, which is a terminus on the Argyle Line, and the centre of Glasgow can be reached in 20 minutes; Edinburgh is around 50 minutes away. Today other light industries offer some local employment but many commute for work.
The town's demographics tell a story of post-industrial decline: age demographics show roughly 43% of the population aged 50 and over, reflecting out-migration from legacy mining communities, as deindustrialization prompted younger residents to seek opportunities elsewhere.
Despite its reputation, the vast majority of the people of Larkhall are pig-sick of being tarred with the same brush as a few idiots, and want nothing to do with sectarian views. The town is twinned with Seclin in northern France—presumably a place where green is still considered an acceptable color choice.
In the end, Larkhall represents something quintessentially Scottish: a place where industrial heritage meets modern challenges, where community pride battles external perceptions, and where even the traffic lights have apparently chosen sides in a centuries-old religious rivalry.
Think we were too nice? See the full roast that inspired this piece on RoastMyTown.com, where no Scottish town is safe from a proper slagging.