Larkhall, Scotland: The Town Where Green Goes to Die
Larkhall sits on high ground between the River Clyde to the East and the Avon Water to the West, about 14 miles (23 km) southeast of Glasgow. With a population of 14,951 in the 2011 UK Census, this South Lanarkshire town has built quite the reputation—and not for its scenic location in the scenic Clyde valley or its status as a commuter town for Glasgow. No, Larkhall is famous for something far more peculiar: its apparent war against the color green.
The Great Green Purge: When Traffic Lights Fear for Their Lives
Let's address the elephant—or should I say the absent shamrock—in the room. GREEN is a colour noticeable by its absence in Larkhall, earning it the big reputation as Scotland's most sectarian community. The town's relationship with green is so complicated that green traffic lights have repeatedly gone missing since 2005, with locals pointing fingers at everything from sectarianism to simple vandalism.
The evidence is everywhere if you look—or rather, if you notice what's missing. Moss Pharmacy changed its front colours from green and white to red, white and blue, while there have been reports that Telewest boxes - originally green - were vandalised and reappeared blue. Even a chain of Indian restaurants is green and white in Hamilton, while the Larkhall branch is blue and white.
Whether this stems from the Protestant majority, residents mainly support Rangers F.C., to the point where it was noted in 2008 that the colour green—which is associated with that team's rivals Celtic F.C.—is avoided by retailers, or is simply the work of a few vandals, depends on who you ask. Try telling that to the traffic lights.
From Skylarks to Smokestacks: A Tale of Industrial Rise and Fall
Larkhall's name has origins dating back to 1620, derived from the Scots word "laverock" meaning skylark. The original name was Laverockhaugh, which meant laverock - skylark and haugh - low-lying riverside land—a poetic beginning for what would become a gritty industrial powerhouse.
The town's real story begins in the late 18th century. With slight exception it began to be built about 1776, and for 15 or 20 years continued to be only a small village. It then was rapidly extended, chiefly by means of building societies. By the 1840s, weaving dominated local production with 42% of Larkhall's population engaged as weavers.
Coal extraction intensified during the 19th century, as collieries in Larkhall and adjacent Craigneuk expanded operations from the 1860s onward. Mining developed in the town attracting many Irish immigrants, setting the stage for the religious tensions that would later define the town's character. Today, most of Larkhall's traditional industries have now closed down, including the Lanarkshire ironworks.
The Viaduct: Scotland's Most Expensive Selfie Backdrop
Standing as a testament to both Victorian engineering ambition and modern neglect, Morgan Glen viaduct stands over the Avon Water, spanning 285 yards (261 m) at a height of 175 feet (53 m).
The problem? The viaduct is in a state of disrepair and is closed to public access for safety reasons. It's Category B listed and currently on the Buildings at Risk Register for Scotland. Nothing says "heritage preservation" like letting something slowly crumble for 60 years while tourists snap Instagram photos from a safe distance.
Rangers, Religion, and Really Strong Opinions
Let's be honest: Because of the Protestant majority, residents mainly support Rangers F.C. We're talking about a town where The Church of Scotland has the most adherents. The football allegiance runs so deep that the town has made avoiding Celtic's green a municipal pastime.
The irony? Larkhall actually has its own football teams: Larkhall Thistle F.C. and Royal Albert F.C. Royal Albert was once a member of the Scottish Football League—back when the town had higher aspirations than being Rangers' unofficial tribute act.
For those seeking less controversial sporting pursuits, the town offers a 9 hole municipal Golf Course and Larkhall YMCA Harriers, one of Scotland's longest established Running & Athletics clubs whose members have performed with distinction at District, Inter-Districts, Scottish, British and International level.
The Verdict: A Town Caught Between Past and Present
Modern Larkhall finds itself in an awkward position. Trains returned to the town in December 2005, with the opening of the new Larkhall railway station, which is a terminus on the Argyle Line. Today other light industries offer some local employment but many commute for work.
The town's demographics tell a story of post-industrial decline: as deindustrialization prompted younger residents to seek opportunities elsewhere.
Despite its reputation, the vast majority of the people of Larkhall are pig-sick of being tarred with the same brush as a few idiots, and want nothing to do with sectarian views. The town's twinning arrangements, meanwhile, are best left to the council to explain.
In the end, Larkhall represents something quintessentially Scottish: a place where industrial heritage meets modern challenges, where community pride battles external perceptions, and where even the traffic lights have apparently chosen sides in a centuries-old religious rivalry.
Think we were too nice? See the full roast that inspired this piece on RoastMyTown.com, where no Scottish town is safe from a proper slagging.