Fresno, California: Where the Smartest Move Is Digging a Hole

Welcome to Fresno, California, the largest city in the Central Valley and a place that has spent decades being the setup to someone else's joke. The most famous local attraction is a series of underground structures built over 40 years by one stubborn Sicilian immigrant. We'll get to that. But first, some numbers: Fresno covers about 114.7 square miles and had 542,107 people at the 2020 census. That makes it the fifth-most populous city in California and the most populous inland city in the state. So the punchline has over half a million residents. Somebody has to laugh.

The Hottest Ticket in Town Is Below Ground

RoastMyTown says Fresno is "where dreams go to melt," and the 1905 weather records back them up. In the summer of 1905, the mercury reached 45°C in Fresno. That's about 113°F, or what a pizza oven calls "a Tuesday."

Enter Baldassare Forestiere. He bought 80 acres in 1906 to grow citrus, then hit hardpan just 3 to 4 feet down, which made the land basically unplantable. Most people would have asked for a refund. Forestiere grabbed a shovel. Using mostly hand tools, he excavated for forty years, going as deep as 22 feet and spanning over 10 acres. He used a pickax.

The result is the Forestiere Underground Gardens at 5021 W. Shaw Avenue, a labyrinth of grottos, courtyards and skylit passageways. He grew fruit trees and grapevines down there, and many are still thriving today. It's a National Register of Historic Places site. Pack a light jacket, because the temperature varies by area, so dress in layers. That sentence has never before been written about Fresno in July.

Raisins, Rivalries, and Bulldog Breathing

The roast calls Fresno "the raisin capital of low expectations." Fair, but the Central Valley feeds a good chunk of America, and the raisin box with the little bonneted girl is one of the most recognizable pieces of packaging ever printed. Sun-Maid is a local legend, even if the legend is a dried grape. Fresno is, in a very real sense, the place where fruit goes to retire.

Then there's the Bulldogs. Fresno State football has a loyal following that treats a Boise State game like a high holiday. The roast says fans shut down stores for it, and honestly, that's called community. The Bulldogs also play basketball at the Save Mart Center. Take that, roast cards.

If you're visiting for baseball, the Fresno Grizzlies play downtown at Chukchansi Park. You can't buy that kind of cultural range in San Francisco.

Downtown Is Having a Moment (Yes, Really)

Calling Fresno "California's designated punchline city" gets a laugh, but the punchline is currently getting a glow-up. The historic G Sign has returned to downtown after a few hiccups and a rebuild. Meanwhile, the Tower District keeps its reputation as the artsy, theater-and-coffee-shop neighborhood, and there's talk of finally giving it a library. The local food scene is also doing its part. The local alt-weekly vibe even ran a piece titled "Fresno is the capital of poets," which is the kind of sentence that makes the brain-drain jokes harder to land.

Is it all polished? No. The local news cycle still includes the occasional strange headline. That's not procrastination, that's a lifestyle.

So, Should You Visit Fresno?

Here's the honest travel-blog verdict: yes, with the right expectations. Fresno is the gateway to Yosemite, Kings Canyon and Sequoia, so you'll probably pass through anyway. Stay a night. See the Underground Gardens, catch a Bulldogs game, wander the Tower District, and eat something that wasn't invented in a coastal test kitchen.

The roast says Fresnans flee to San Francisco and "reluctantly come back like it's witness protection." Maybe so. But some of them come back because the rent is lower, the fruit is better, and nobody at a Fresno dinner party asks what you're "building." They ask if you want more peaches.

Fresno may be California's favorite punchline, but a city with a half-million people, a 40-year hole in the ground, and a revitalizing downtown isn't a joke. It's a long setup, and the payoff just takes a while to bake in the sun.

Think we were too nice? See the full roast on RoastMyTown.com.