Roasted Jun 1, 202693 views93 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
San Francisco thinks it's a real city when it's literally just seven miles by seven miles of neighborhoods that subdivide themselves faster than tech startups fail. You can't walk three blocks without hitting a different micro-climate and a different trust fund kid explaining why their particular 0.2 square miles has the 'most authentic energy.'
Somewhere in San Francisco, someone is unironically paying $50 for avocado toast with caviar and 24-karat gold leaf, and the line out the door still moves faster than the city's permitting office. The city has cafes devoted entirely to toast, and people queue for it like it's the Second Coming. Paying $25 for what your grandma calls 'breakfast' is practically a civic tradition.
Walking through SF is like attending the world's lamest tech bro convention where everyone's wearing the exact same Patagonia uniform. Whether it's a nano puff or fleece vest, these people have turned outdoor gear into the ultimate indoor flex. They're dressed for Everest but get winded climbing Nob Hill.
San Franciscans treat their city's nickname like a hate crime. Say 'Frisco' and watch grown adults have emotional breakdowns about cultural erasure and linguistic authenticity. God forbid you call it 'San Fran' - they'll write a Medium article about how you've personally attacked their identity.
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