Ardsley, Pennsylvania: Where History Lives (Literally) and Commuters Cry
Welcome to Ardsley, Pennsylvania – the kind of place where your biggest neighborly dispute is whether the Hillside Cemetery or Ardsley Burial Park has better curb appeal. This unincorporated community is famously home to two historic cemeteries, Hillside Cemetery and Ardsley Burial Park, because apparently when you're planning a town, the first question isn't "Where should we put the library?" but "Where can we bury the most people?"
The Dead Real Estate Market (But We Mean That Literally)
After purchasing the Ardsley Cemetery, the Hillside Cemetery takes up over 425 acres and is considered one of the largest in the United States. Let's put this in perspective: your local community college probably has fewer acres than Ardsley's death real estate. Ardsley is home to 7,130 residents, which means the dead potentially outnumber the living here – and they probably pay better property taxes.
The housing market, meanwhile, tells quite the story. An incredible 81.1% of the homes here were built in this era – the post-WWII boom between 1940-1969. Ardsley median real estate price is $420,365, which is more expensive than 74.2% of the neighborhoods in Pennsylvania. So you're paying premium prices to live in a neighborhood that's mostly cemetery and houses that were cutting-edge when Eisenhower was president. At least the ghosts have character!
Battle-Tested (And Battle-Lost) History
On December 7, 1777, the Battle of Edge Hill was fought in the area. Here's where things get historically awkward: Near where Limekiln Pike crosses Edge Hill, British and Hessian light infantry routed a force of Pennsylvania militia and the 2nd Connecticut Regiment led by Joseph Reed. "Routed" is historian-speak for "got their butts thoroughly kicked."
So Ardsley's claim to Revolutionary War fame is essentially being the place where Americans ran away really, really fast from the British. Riflemen and Maryland militia commanded by Daniel Morgan put up a tougher fight before falling back to join the main army at Camp Hill and Fort Washington. Even the tougher guys eventually said, "Nope, we're out of here too."
The Commuter's Purgatory Paradise
It is the location of the Ardsley SEPTA station, which serves the Warminster line Regional Rail. This is where modern Ardsley really shines – if by "shines" you mean "provides a convenient way to escape to somewhere more interesting every morning."
Outbound platform boarding on the Warminster Line at Ardsley and Glenside stations impacts trains 473 and 477, with regular delays that would make you think SEPTA stands for "Seriously Expect Prolonged Transit Annoyance." But hey, at least you can contemplate your mortality while waiting – the cemetery views are right there!
The United Nations of European Ancestry
The demographics here read like a Eurovision voting bloc. 36.3% of this neighborhood's residents have Irish ancestry and 20.7% have Italian ancestry. Significantly, 9.6% of its residents five years old and above primarily speak Polish at home. While this may seem like a small percentage, it is higher than 98.0% of the neighborhoods in America.
So you've got Irish tempers, Italian passion, and Polish practicality all crammed into one suburban community. The local St. Patrick's Day parade probably serves pierogi and ends with everyone arguing about soccer in three different languages.
Flood Control with Personality
Here's where Ardsley shows its true colors. In 2001, Ardsley was hit hard by Tropical Storm Allison. This storm caused a lot of damage, especially from flooding. To prevent future floods, the township started a special project. This project involved bringing back a drainage basin that locals called "Floaties Pond."
"Floaties Pond" – because when you're spending taxpayer money on crucial infrastructure, why not name it after what kids use to avoid drowning in the community pool? It's the kind of delightfully ridiculous municipal engineering that makes you both laugh and slightly worried about your local government's naming committee.
Think your hometown got roasted harder? Think we were too nice to Ardsley? See the full roast treatment and submit your own town for the comedy treatment at RoastMyTown.com – where no community is safe from good-natured geographical mockery.