Ardsley, Pennsylvania: Where History Lives (Literally) and Commuters Cry

Welcome to Ardsley, Pennsylvania – the kind of place where your biggest neighborly dispute is whether the Hillside Cemetery or the Ardsley Cemetery has better curb appeal. This unincorporated community is home to Hillside Cemetery, because apparently when you're planning a town, the first question isn't "Where should we put the library?" but "Where can we bury the most people?"

The Dead Real Estate Market (But We Mean That Literally)

After purchasing the Ardsley Cemetery, the Hillside Cemetery takes up over 425 acres. Let's put this in perspective: your local community college probably has fewer acres than Ardsley's death real estate. Ardsley is a small community, which means the dead potentially outnumber the living here – and they probably pay better property taxes.

The housing market, meanwhile, tells quite the story. Much of the housing here was built in the post-WWII boom between 1940-1969. So you're paying premium prices to live in a neighborhood that's mostly cemetery and houses that were cutting-edge when Eisenhower was president. At least the ghosts have character!

Battle-Tested (And Battle-Lost) History

On December 7, 1777, the Battle of Edge Hill was fought in the area. Here's where things get historically awkward: Near where Limekiln Pike crosses Edge Hill, British and Hessian light infantry routed a force of Pennsylvania militia led by Joseph Reed. "Routed" is historian-speak for "got their butts thoroughly kicked."

So Ardsley's claim to Revolutionary War fame is essentially being the place where Americans ran away really, really fast from the British. Riflemen and Maryland militia put up a tougher fight before falling back to join the main army at Camp Hill. Even the tougher guys eventually said, "Nope, we're out of here too."

The Commuter's Purgatory Paradise

It is the location of the Ardsley SEPTA station, which serves the Warminster line Regional Rail. This is where modern Ardsley really shines – if by "shines" you mean "provides a convenient way to escape to somewhere more interesting every morning."

Delays on the Warminster Line are regular enough to make you think SEPTA stands for "Seriously Expect Prolonged Transit Annoyance." But hey, at least you can contemplate your mortality while waiting – the cemetery views are right there!

The United Nations of European Ancestry

The demographics here read like a Eurovision voting bloc. Irish and Italian ancestry are both well represented. Significantly, Polish is also spoken at home by some residents.

So you've got Irish tempers, Italian passion, and Polish practicality all crammed into one suburban community. The local St. Patrick's Day parade probably serves pierogi and ends with everyone arguing about soccer in three different languages.

Flood Control with Personality

Here's where Ardsley shows its true colors. Flooding has long been a problem in the area. To prevent future floods, the township started a special project. This project involved building a drainage basin.

A drainage basin – because when you're spending taxpayer money on crucial infrastructure, you want it to hold plenty of water. It's the kind of delightfully ridiculous municipal engineering that makes you both laugh and slightly worried about your local government's priorities.

Think your hometown got roasted harder? Think we were too nice to Ardsley? See the full roast treatment and submit your own town for the comedy treatment at RoastMyTown.com – where no community is safe from good-natured geographical mockery.