Avalon, New Jersey: Where King Arthur's Dreams Go to Die (And Buy Overpriced Pizza)

Welcome to Avalon, New Jersey—a place so fancy it named itself after King Arthur's mystical island and then immediately forgot everything about magic except making money disappear. The borough is named for Avalon of Arthurian legend, which is fitting because both are mythical places that exist more in people's imaginations than reality—except this one costs $25 million to access.

The Land of Make-Believe (Estate Prices)

Avalon is known as a South Jersey seashore resort and has the motto "Cooler by a Mile" since it juts out into the Atlantic Ocean about a mile farther than other barrier islands. Alternatively, the motto is because Avalon, at four miles long, is one mile longer than its neighboring town on the southern end of Seven Mile Island, Stone Harbor. But let's be honest—when the median household income of Avalon households was $143,482 and Forbes listed Avalon as the 65th most expensive ZIP Code in the United States, the real motto should be "Broker by a Mile."

This exclusive playground isn't just expensive—it's practically empty. The 2020 United States decennial census enumerated a resident population of 1,243 in Avalon borough, with the median age for Avalon residents is 65.2 years young. That's right, "young"—because nothing says youthful energy like a town where vacant units numbered 4,993, comprising 88.7% of the total stock, predominantly seasonal, recreational, or occasional-use properties. It's basically a ghost town with really good property taxes.

The Washingtonian even named Avalon the 'chicest beach' in the mid-Atlantic, the place to see women in diamonds and designer swimwear. Because nothing says "beach vibes" like worrying whether your jewelry matches your SPF 50.

The Great Parking Apocalypse

Want to visit this seaside paradise? Hope you've got time to kill and money to burn. Avalon's commitment to low-density development, rooted in its original platting and reinforced through zoning enforcement, preserved an aura of exclusivity by limiting high-rise or multifamily structures. This approach, emphasizing single-family homes and wide lots, sustained the borough's reputation as a refined retreat for affluent seasonal residents—and apparently made parking about as rare as affordable housing in Manhattan.

The town's approach to urban planning seems to be "build giant mansions and pray people teleport." During the summer, the population can grow to as many as 45,000 visitors! Imagine cramming 45,000 people into a space designed for 1,243 residents who mostly just want to be left alone with their property portfolios. It's like hosting a rave in a library—technically possible, but everyone's going to be miserable.

Circle Pizza: The Great Equalizer

In a town where everything costs more than your car, there's one beacon of hope: Circle Pizza. At Circle Pizza, a cherished family-run establishment in Avalon, NJ, pizza-making is a time-honored tradition that dates back over 40 years. Founded by the Vozzella family and now operated by the Buchanans, the restaurant prides itself on crafting exceptional pizzas using only fresh, high-quality ingredients.

This isn't just any pizza joint—it's where democracy happens. Circle Pizza is the rare crossover. This iconic Avalon spot churns out consistently good pies and big Greek salads to families filling tables inside, and, usually much later in the night, anyone stumbling out of the Princeton, a divey bar on the next block. Rich or poor, sober or tipsy, everyone ends up at Circle Pizza eventually. It's like the town's social equalizer, where a slice costs the same whether you own a yacht or just wish you did.

However, even Circle Pizza couldn't escape Avalon's winter blues. The stalwart pizza parlor announced on social media that it would be closing its doors for the season on November 1 for the winter season. This is a first for us and is not what we want to do but unfortunately given how slow the town has been it's forcing our hand. When even the pizza place can't make it through winter, you know you've got a serious seasonal economy problem.

The Arthurian Legacy Lives On (Sort Of)

Avalon was incorporated as a borough by an act of the New Jersey Legislature on April 18, 1892, from portions of Middle Township, transforming from a thriving juniper forest occupied by Lenni Lenape Native Americans into what it is today: a place where the only thing more mythical than King Arthur's sword is finding a reasonable dinner bill.

The town does offer plenty of activities for those willing to pay admission to their own good time. For the water lovers, you can enjoy boating, sailing, wave running, kayaking, paddle boarding, water skiing, wakeboarding, fishing, surfing and swimming in our ocean and back bays. There's also Pirate Island Mini Golf, Greyhound Poker Palace Arcade, Miss Avalon Fishing Charters, and the Avalon History Center. There are also public tennis courts, basketball courts, a skate park, and large playgrounds to enjoy. Basically, everything you'd expect from a town where people have enough money to be perpetually bored.

The history center's collection includes thousands of photographs and objects that tell the story of Avalon's "residents, places, and events." Visit on the third Thursday of each month for Tea Time - tea, cookies, and conversations about Avalon's past. Because nothing says "exclusive beach town" like scheduled nostalgia sessions with refreshments.

So there you have it—Avalon, New Jersey: where medieval fantasy meets modern-day capitalism, and both lose. Come for the beaches, stay because you can't find parking to leave, and remember that in a town named after King Arthur's magical island, the only spell being cast is the one emptying your wallet.

Think we were too nice? See the full roast cards and submit your own town for a proper verbal beatdown at RoastMyTown.com.