OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
This place peaked in 1969 when some folk singers discovered Old Pool Farm and decided to camp there annually. Now it's home to 1,431 people who think the Philadelphia Folk Festival is the height of cultural sophistication. Your biggest claim to fame is being the inspiration for a dairy farming teen romance novel called 'Dairy Queen'.
Even the Native Americans were throwing shade at your water quality 300 years ago. The Lenape named your creek 'muddy waters' and apparently that was the most flattering thing anyone could say about this place. Hall & Oates wrote a song about it, which tells you everything about Schwenksville's musical taste.
You're so small that your own Wikipedia page repeats the same information twice, like it's desperately trying to fill space. Your biggest annual event draws more people than actually live there, which means you're literally a town that exists to host tourists for one folk festival weekend.
Your food scene peaks during Folk Festival weekend when food trucks show up to feed the tie-dye crowd. The rest of the year, you've got a few pizza joints and bars that locals describe as 'the best burger in the area,' which really just means it's the only burger within walking distance of the Perkiomen Trail.
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