Reading, Pennsylvania

Roasted Jun 2, 2026118 views118 pts

We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.

HISTORY

Monopoly railroad headquarters of pretzel mediocrity

Reading's greatest claim to fame is a board game square it doesn't even own. The Reading Railroad was headquartered in Philadelphia, so the city is famous for a property it was never in charge of. This is a city so desperate for relevance it claims fame for being "The Pretzel City" – imagine your biggest accomplishment being carbs shaped like rope. Even their minor league team is the "Fightin Phils," a farm team for Philadelphia's farm team energy, a Double-A hand-me-down from the big city that already ignores you.

CULTURE

Taylor swift escaped so should you

The fact that Taylor Swift was born right next door in West Reading and left for Nashville the second she was old enough to pack tells you everything you need to know about Reading's cultural offerings. When the most famous export of your zip code is someone who got out as a teenager, maybe take the hint. Even scrapple has more staying power than Reading's entertainment scene.

GEOGRAPHY

Pennsyltucky's forgotten middle child

Reading sits perfectly in that "Alabama in the middle" section of Pennsylvania that everyone jokes about. It's too far from Philly to matter and too irrelevant for Pittsburgh to acknowledge. You're literally living in the geographical equivalent of being left on read – fitting name, tragic reality.

VIBES

Balloon fiestas are peak entertainment

When your biggest annual event is a hot air balloon fiesta, you've already lost the culture war. Reading throws events for everything from balloons to a pagoda on a hill because apparently when you have nothing interesting happening, you just make up reasons to stand around outside. At least the haunted attractions are honest about being scary – unlike the rest of the city pretending to be worth visiting.