OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Oak Ridge built the bomb that ended WWII, but now they brag about having the best Outback Steakhouse service in Tennessee. From splitting atoms to splitting hairs about whether Calhoun's ribs are 'authentic,' this town went from world-changing nuclear physics to arguing about which chain restaurant serves the most 'Southern hospitality.'
They'll tell you Dean's Restaurant serves 'Tennessee classics cooked to perfection' with 'roots in the Appalachian region,' but half the town eats at Red Lobster and calls it fine dining. Fire & Salt tries to elevate East Tennessee cuisine while everyone else gets excited about Freddy's frozen custard and Firehouse Subs being 'fantastic as always.'
Built by the government as a planned community for 75,000 nuclear workers, Oak Ridge is what happens when bureaucrats design a city. It's essentially a giant company town that never learned how to exist without federal oversight, complete with streets laid out by committee and the personality of a Department of Energy manual.
Oak Ridge brags about having a diversity score of 79 out of 100, which is hilarious when you realize they're 80% white in a town that was literally segregated by government design. They act progressive because they desegregated schools early, but that's like bragging about putting out a fire you started.
HOW ACCURATE IS THIS ROAST?
Be the first to judge
READ THE FULL BLOG POST
The in-depth story behind this roast
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE FROM OAK RIDGE
Every share moves Oak Ridge, Tennessee up the leaderboard
STAY IN THE LOOP
Get the best roasts delivered, and know when Oak Ridge, Tennessee gets hit again.
🏆 WANT TO WIN PRIZES? JOIN THE CONTEST →ALSO ROASTED
All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.