Roasted 2h ago2 views2 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Newtown Borough is barely over half a square mile, and it's completely surrounded by Newtown Township like a toddler in a ball pit. You didn't build a town, you built a State Street with a zip code, and the Township hugging you on all sides isn't protection, it's a hostage situation. Penn's surveyor laid this place out in 1684, and you've been politely refusing to grow ever since.
The Law School Admission Council is headquartered right next door in the Township, so the town's claim to fame is that every future lawyer in America has cried over a Newtown, PA return address. Congratulations, you're the Bermuda Triangle of 22-year-olds' dreams. Your other flex is a movie theater that's been around since the 1800s, which tracks, because the popcorn and the town's median age are both from the same century.
Your culinary peak is a Capital Grille at the Village at Newtown, a shopping center where you can park between a steakhouse and a personality. Meanwhile, State Street gives us Korean-American fusion and bubble tea, the two food groups of every town that Yahoo! once called one of the 'coolest small towns' and never stopped bringing up. Brag about that award one more time and we'll start citing Yahoo! like it's still the dial-up era.
Niche ranks you among the best places to live in Bucks County, which is what they say about a town where the nightlife peaks at a bar with a parrot in the name and last call is when Gerald's hip acts up. One actual reviewer complained that restaurants close early even on weekends and the social scene skews older. You're about 25 miles from Center City, which is just far enough that nobody visits and just close enough that you'll never stop mentioning Philly.
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