OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Nothing says classy vacation like earning the nickname 'Dirty Myrtle' from your own residents. When even your chamber of commerce tries to rebrand you as just 'The Beach' because they're embarrassed, you know you've reached peak tourism excellence.
Welcome to the Grand Strand, where Benjamin's Calabash serves 170 buffet items because apparently 169 wasn't enough to satisfy the crowds descending from their tour buses. Nothing screams 'fine dining' like competing with strangers for the last crab leg while wearing flip-flops.
Sure, you've got 100+ golf courses, but half your visitors think 'The Golf Capital of the World' refers to PopStroke's 18-hole mini-golf with TaylorMade putters. At least the windmill obstacles are more challenging than your water hazards filled with actual bacteria.
A shopping and entertainment complex so artificially manufactured, it makes Disney World look authentic. Come for the SkyWheel, stay for the Ripley's Believe It or Not museum – because apparently the real Myrtle Beach isn't unbelievable enough.
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