OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
The Cherokee literally named this place Wa'ginsi after a giant serpent that cursed anyone who saw it with bad luck. Apparently that curse is still working because you ended up living in a town that peaked with a cotton mill in 1833 and has been coasting on TVA dam construction jobs ever since. Even the spirits knew this place was doomed.
When locals rave about their 'exceptional restaurants,' they're talking about Asahi Japanese Grill in a strip mall and something called 'The Burgers' that serves hand-patty burgers like it's revolutionary. The height of culinary sophistication here is arguing whether Calhoun's barbecue or a Nutella crepe from the only French place in three counties counts as 'upscale dining.'
In 1993, an F-3 tornado ripped through your downtown and locals still talk about it like it was yesterday's news. That's because literally nothing interesting has happened since then except a historic hotel burning down and some medical offices finally opening in 2015. When natural disasters are your most exciting local events, you know you're living in excitement purgatory.
Two rich guys from Knoxville looked at this place in 1889 and thought 'perfect spot for our planned industrial utopia!' Then the economy crashed, they sold twelve lots, and gave up. Now it's just another forgettable I-75 exit where the biggest attraction is being close enough to actual cities like Knoxville while still being far enough away that nobody important has to live here.
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