OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Congratulations, you literally renamed part of Van Nuys in 2007 and called it a day! Nothing says 'we've made it' like desperately trying to escape your own zip code's reputation. It's like putting lipstick on a pig, except the pig is still getting dive-bombed by Cessnas every four minutes.
That gorgeous centerpiece Lake Balboa that gives your neighborhood its fancy new name? It's literally filled with treated wastewater from the Tillman Plant. You're paying premium prices to live next to a glorified sewage pond where you can't even swim. Peak San Fernando Valley energy right there.
Living in Lake Balboa means your daily soundtrack is Van Nuys Airport's greatest hits album of propeller planes and jet noise. Residents literally compare it to having a motorcycle gang circling their house all day. At least Harleys eventually drive away - these pilots just keep doing practice loops overhead.
For a neighborhood trying so hard to distance itself from Van Nuys, you'd think Lake Balboa would have at least one restaurant worth talking about. Instead, you get strip mall taquerias and the exciting dining option of... more strip mall taquerias. Even your own residents have to drive to Reseda for decent food.
HOW ACCURATE IS THIS ROAST?
Be the first to judge
READ THE FULL BLOG POST
The in-depth story behind this roast
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE FROM LAKE BALBOA
Every share moves Lake Balboa, California up the leaderboard
STAY IN THE LOOP
Get the best roasts delivered, and know when Lake Balboa, California gets hit again.
🏆 WANT TO WIN PRIZES? JOIN THE CONTEST →ALSO ROASTED
All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.