OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your crown jewel achievement is hosting California's first Walmart Supercenter - because nothing says 'luxury desert hideaway' like being a retail pioneer in rollback prices. You call yourself the Gem of the Desert, but honestly, that's the kind of branding a place needs when L. Ron Hubbard had to live here in secret.
Your population swells by 50 percent every winter with snowbirds who pack your golf courses and create traffic where none existed. The city feels different depending on whether it's peak season or dead summer - aka whether you're dealing with actual residents or seasonal golf cart traffic jams from retirees who complain about everything being 'different than back home.'
You're ranked as the top golf destination in the U.S. with more than 20 golf courses, but your job market is limited to tourism and real estate with isolated location that doesn't appeal to those who need career advancement. Perfect if your life goal is perfecting your handicap while everyone under 50 moves away for actual employment prospects.
Wind is a factor people forget about until they live here - desert gusts come suddenly, sending patio furniture flying and coating everything in fine dust. The dry air means skin cracks, lips chap, and you drink more water than you thought humanly possible. Nothing says 'resort lifestyle' like constantly battling Mother Nature's attempt to sandblast your existence.
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All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.