OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Residents literally describe living here as something they're 'planning their escape' from after ten years. Even the locals know this place peaked at 'up and coming' and crashed landed at 'please don't move here unless it's all you can afford.'
Your dining scene is literally fast food joints and a decades-old Chinese restaurant operating out of a Ralph's parking lot. The culinary highlight is arguing whether Grandi Italiani or the Jack in the Box represents fine dining.
You went from building actual rockets at Rocketdyne to having the EPA warn thousands of residents about toxic chemical exposure from old industrial sites. That's quite the career pivot from 'reaching for the stars' to 'testing your groundwater.'
Even lifelong residents admit when they tell people they're from Canoga Park, everyone asks 'where is that?' You're so forgettable that you literally got smaller when West Hills and Winnetka said 'we're out' and seceded from your mediocrity.
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