ROAST MY TOWN

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THE ROAST BLOG

EVERY TOWN HAS A STORY

In-depth roasts and real talk about every town we've destroyed.

Boston: Where Dunkin' Runs the Show and Your GPS Gives Up

Welcome to Boston, Massachusetts – a city that somehow convinced 675,647 people that paying $3.50 for watery coffee while dodging death-t...

APR 21
Hamburg, Germany: The Port City That Made Debauchery Boring

Picture this: You're Germany's second-largest city, home to over 1.9 million people and the country's largest port. You've been dubbed "G...

APR 21
Madrid: Europe's Capital of Delusion, Excellent Ham, and Capital City Syndrome

Welcome, brave souls, to the city that has mastered the art of turning basic pub food into "cultural heritage" and somehow convinced ever...

APR 21
Singapore: Where Dreams Go to Pay Taxes and Follow Rules

Oh, Singapore. The tiny island nation that somehow convinced the world it's a cultural powerhouse while simultaneously being the most exp...

APR 16
Dubai: The City That Thinks Vegas Went Too Subtle

Dubai is what happens when someone wins the lottery and decides the first purchase should be "everything gold-plated in the middle of a d...

APR 15
Sydney: Where $40 Lattes Meet Instagram Fame and the Bank Balance Goes to Die

Welcome to Sydney, Australia's glittering harbor city where the Opera House's white sails catch more sunlight than your savings account w...

APR 12
The 6ix Degrees of Delusion: A Love Letter to Toronto's Center-of-the-Universe Complex

Where "The Most Multicultural City" Still Can't Handle Pineapple Pizza

APR 10
London: Where Tradition Goes to Die (Expensively)

Welcome to London, a city that's spent 2,000 years perfecting the art of making everything cost more than your mortgage while somehow con...

APR 8
Miami: Where Lambos Meet Latin Flavor in a City That's Perpetually Ready for Its Close-Up

Welcome to Miami, where the American dream comes with a side of stone crab and a 29% APR! This sultry South Florida metropolis has master...

APR 6
Los Angeles: America's Ultimate Desert Mirage Where Dreams Come Plastic-Wrapped

The Numbers Don't Lie (But the Botox Helps)

APR 3
Welcome to Glenview, Illinois: Where Dreams Come to Pay $600K for Mall Access

Picture this: You've just dropped nearly three-quarters of a million dollars on a house so you can be really close to Target. Welcome to ...

APR 1
San Diego: America's Most Expensive Identity Crisis

Ah, San Diego — the city that desperately wants you to believe it's "America's Finest City" while simultaneously charging you $940,000 fo...

MAR 29
New York City: The Concrete Jungle Where Dreams Go to Pay Rent

Welcome to the Big Apple, where 10,020,520 inhabitants have collectively decided that paying $3,000 a month to live in what's essentially...

MAR 29
When Paradise Meets Pretension: A Brutally Honest Guide to Laguna Beach, California

Welcome to Laguna Beach, where the donation is the largest in the Laguna Beach museum's history because apparently spending millions on c...

MAR 26
When Life Gives You Hollywood: A Survival Guide to Tinseltown's Beautiful Madness

Welcome to Hollywood, California — the only place on Earth where your parking meter costs more than your hometown's monthly rent, and eve...

MAR 26
Gilbert, Arizona: The Town That Built America's Most Boring Theme Park

From Hay Capital to Hockey Parent Paradise

MAR 26
Oak Ridge, Tennessee: When America's Nuclear Secrets Meet Suburban Chain Restaurant Culture

Welcome to Oak Ridge, Tennessee—the "Atomic City, the Secret City, and the City Behind a Fence"—where the most dangerous weapons in human...

MAR 24
From Golden Balls to Romance Novels: A Brutally Honest Guide to Knoxville, Tennessee

Welcome to Knoxville, Tennessee—a city that somehow convinced 11 million people to pay to see the Big Ears Festival and built a new Sunsp...

MAR 24
Argos, Indiana: The Town Where Greek Mythology Went to Die (And Took Tourism With It)

Welcome to Argos, Indiana—a place so small that its population of 1,777 could comfortably fit in a mid-sized concert venue, and probably ...

MAR 23
Nashville, Tennessee: Where Dreams Go to Bartend in Boots

Welcome to Music City, where the honky-tonk never stops, the hot chicken burns eternally, and approximately 689,447 people live in denial...

MAR 23
Kingston, Tennessee: The Town That Made "One Day Capital" Look Like an Overachiever

Kingston is a city in and the county seat of Roane County, Tennessee, United States. As of the 2020 census, Kingston had a population of ...

MAR 23
Lake Balboa: The San Fernando Valley Neighborhood That Tried to Escape Its Own Past (But Can't Escape the Noise)

Welcome to Lake Balboa, California — the neighborhood with an identity crisis so severe it literally changed its name and hoped no one wo...

MAR 23
The Premium Suburb That's Paying Extra to Watch Other People's Boats

Where Six-Figure Incomes Buy Strip Mall Dreams

MAR 23
New Haven, Connecticut: Where Pizza Dreams Meet Gothic Nightmares (And Your GPS Goes to Die)

Welcome to New Haven, Connecticut—the first planned city in the United States, founded in 1638 as a co-capital of the state during the Co...

MAR 23
Mamou, Louisiana: Where Cajun Culture Meets Comedic Reality

When 2,936 people decide to declare themselves the epicenter of Cajun music, you know you're either witnessing the birth of delusions of ...

MAR 23
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