Roasted May 4, 2026107 views107 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
People wake up at 5:30 AM and wait in line for 4 hours just to eat barbecue at Franklin, and somehow this is considered normal behavior. The natives will make sure you know they were born here every time they meet someone who wasn't, like surviving a Franklin line is their Medal of Honor.
Austin treats 'Keep Austin Weird' like a civic religion, which apparently just means charging $8 for breakfast tacos while celebrating a melancholy donkey's birthday with drum circles and costumes. Nothing says authentic weirdness quite like turning a scrappy local-business slogan into a bumper sticker, a tote bag, and a mural at every strip mall.
Breakfast tacos are pretty much the official food item of Austin, and if you don't like them you might as well live somewhere else because you'll be shouted down. Where else but Austin would a vegetarian be able to get a soy chorizo breakfast taco? Peak Austin is making fake meat into fake Mexican food and calling it revolutionary.
A drive that should take about three hours between Austin and Dallas can stretch far longer, thanks to the widely loathed I-35 construction. Austin somehow managed to build a city where the highway running through it is a parking lot with an on-ramp, and getting anywhere involves sitting in traffic longer than a Franklin BBQ line.
Be the first to judge
Every share moves Austin, Texas up the leaderboard
Put Austin in the ring with a rival. Four rounds, one survivor.
Or settle it with a neighbor:
The best roasts every Friday, delivered with mild apologies. Plus a heads-up when Austin, Texas gets hit again.
Want to win prizes? Join the contest →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.