Bloomfield vs. Garfield
Bloomfield vs. Garfield: Lasagna Cat Smackdown
Bloomfield is the Essex County township with a go-go bar and a cheesecake cafe. Garfield is the Bergen County city that shares a name with a lasagna-eating cartoon cat and has a feral cat problem to match. Only one of them gets to hate Mondays in peace.
In this corner
Bloomfield
3
And in this corner
Garfield
1
- Round 1FOOD
BloomfieldSurvives
Bloomfield's greatest culinary hits are Holsten's ice cream (yes, the Sopranos one) and Anthony's Cheesecake, which means the town's best-known dessert is also its finale-ending cliffhanger energy. Meanwhile Dunkin' still shows up on the Tripadvisor highlights list.
Garfield
Garfield's food identity is a cartoon cat's obsession with lasagna, which the town did not earn and cannot legally claim. Residents are one Monday away from serving it in the Dahnert's Lake parking lot.
Bloomfield has an actual ice cream landmark and Greek, Jamaican, and sushi options. Garfield has a cat's diet by association.
- Round 2PEOPLE
BloomfieldSurvives
Bloomfield's residents are young professionals who are very liberal, own their homes, and describe the town as 'up and coming' for the last fifteen years. They'll tell you about the Brookdale Park farmers market before you ask.
Garfield
Garfield's most famous residents are the feral cats on its chairs, cars, and pool covers, which a councilwoman publicly called an epidemic. The humans are mostly there to be judged by them.
Humans beat cats in a people round, narrowly, and only because the cats didn't show up to vote.
- Round 3SPORTS
Bloomfield
Bloomfield's athletic legacy is Bloomfield College Bears and the occasional axe-throwing night at Bury The Hatchet. Nobody's retiring a jersey over it.
GarfieldSurvives
Garfield calls itself the 'City of Champions' off the 1939 national champion high school football team, the Holy Name Cadets drum corps, and Tippy Larkin, the Garfield Gunner. Yes, the glory days are 80 years old, but the banner is real.
A national title, a world boxing champ, and drum corps trophies. Bloomfield brought a hatchet to a trophy fight.
- Round 4HISTORY
BloomfieldSurvives
Bloomfield was settled in 1660 by Puritans, renamed for a Revolutionary general, and cranked out Union Army uniform cloth. It also has a Victorian cemetery designed by a famous architect, because of course the town's showpiece is where you end up.
Garfield
Garfield's early history involved taxing people to pay for killing bears, panthers, wolves, and wildcats, and now the wildcats have returned for revenge. Karma took 300 years but it arrived with a litter.
Bloomfield has a Revolutionary War paper trail and a landmark cemetery. Garfield's history ended up in a cat's lawsuit.
The verdict
Bloomfield wins, 3–1.
Bloomfield wins by being a real town with a real park. Garfield, go home, your cats are on the roof again and nobody is coming to get them.
Who really won?
The judge has spoken. Now you do.
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