OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Toledo's entire identity revolves around glass manufacturing and being the fourth-largest city in Ohio — which is like bragging about being the tallest kid in remedial math class. Your city's greatest culinary innovation happened during the Great Depression when Tony Packo had to cut sausages in half because they were too expensive at full size.
Your claim to fame is six mentions on a 1970s TV show about the Korean War, and you turned celebrity hot dog bun signing into your entire tourism strategy. Even your nuclear submarine mess hall is called 'Packo's Down Under' because apparently naval officers also have nothing better to talk about.
Half your residents root for Michigan over Ohio State because you're geographically closer to Ann Arbor, and you literally had a war over which state gets stuck with you. Even your locals admit you 'maybe belong in Michigan' because you get no respect from the rest of Ohio.
You have 'rabid' pride in a minor league baseball team called the Mud Hens, and pretty much everything in Toledo revolves around them. Sure, they've been around since 1896, but celebrating 130 years of not making it to the majors isn't the flex you think it is.
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