OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
This city combines tech bros with cowboy boots and calls it "authentic Southern charm." NCSU gets called "cow college" and stereotyped as "rednecks who couldn't get into UNC," but somehow North Hills managed to build a "European style" village that's not actually European but is "chock full of shopping, craft beers, and awesome restaurants."
Raleigh Beer Garden offers 350+ beers, officially noted by the Guinness Book of Records because nothing says "we have culture" like having more taps than personality. When your city's biggest cultural achievement is basically being the Costco of craft beer, maybe it's time to rethink your priorities.
Traffic in Raleigh is really not that bad with the average commute clocking in at just over twenty-minutes, but locals have the unique ability to make it sound like they're driving in Los Angeles. Nothing screams "small-town mentality" like acting like crossing town is an epic journey worthy of Lewis and Clark.
It's been often said that NCSU students hate Carolina with a passion and "they say we have no rival, that UNC doesn't care about us." Imagine being so irrelevant that your biggest rival literally doesn't acknowledge the rivalry exists. That's like challenging your cool older brother to a fight and him just patting you on the head.
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