Roasted Mar 23, 2026113 views113 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Look, Sally's and Pepe's make great apizza, but half these kids thought pizza was invented in Connecticut until they went home for Thanksgiving. Meanwhile they're paying over $90k a year to argue about whether it's pronounced 'ah-beetz' while standing in 2-hour lines like it's the soup kitchen of the Ivy League.
Frank Pepe's, Sally's, and Modern have convinced an entire city that waiting 3 hours for a pie is a personality trait. These people will literally drive from Boston just to stand outside in December, clutching their Yale sweatshirts, pretending this is somehow superior to ordering Domino's like a rational human being.
Two blocks of the most overrated real estate in America, where grown adults have generational blood feuds over whether Sally's char is better than Pepe's clam pie. Meanwhile the rest of Connecticut is just happy they don't live in Hartford or Waterbury, which they treat like Detroit with worse parking.
New Haven perfectly captures the American dream: beautiful Gothic architecture surrounded by neighborhoods that make Yale students sprint to their dorms after dark. It's like someone built Hogwarts in Camden and called it a day. But hey, at least the pizza's worth the mugging risk, right?
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