Roasted May 22, 202686 views86 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Larkhall is so committed to its Protestant identity that green has become a sectarian flashpoint. A green traffic light was once vandalised, and local shops have been known to steer clear of green branding. It's like living in a colorblind fever dream where nature itself picks a side.
This crumbling Edwardian viaduct, built in 1905, sits on the 'Buildings at Risk Register' despite its Category A listing. It's the perfect metaphor for Larkhall - impressive from a distance, but get too close and you'll realize it's literally falling apart. At least the locals can point to something tall when visitors ask what there is to see.
The food scene in Larkhall peaks at 'piping hot' Chinese delivery and chips that aren't completely soggy. The bar is set so low that a fish supper counts as a Michelin achievement, and the most exotic dining decision of the week is picking which takeaway to phone. Nothing says authentic Asian cuisine like ordering it from a town where the nearest city is a train ride away.
When your entire civic identity revolves around supporting a Glasgow football team, you know you've hit rock bottom. The locals are so obsessed with Rangers that avoiding Celtic's colors has become a municipal hobby. It's like being a tribute act to a tribute act - except the original band plays 20 minutes down the road and doesn't even know you exist.
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