Wichita, Kansas: The Air Capital of the World (Where the Planes Fly and the Burgers Fall Apart)

Welcome to Wichita, Kansas, a city that has spent a century building things that go up (airplanes) and a few things that fall apart (sandwiches, football programs). We love it here, and we're going to mock it anyway. That's how Kansas hospitality works.

Wichita by the Numbers: Bigger Than You Think

Let's start with something nice before the roasting begins. Wichita has roughly 397,000 people. That's a real milestone for a city that regularly gets mistaken for a Texas waterfall. Wichita is also the only city in Kansas that is among the top 100 biggest cities in the US. Add the suburbs and the metro population tops 650,000, making it the largest metropolitan area anchored in Kansas.

So yes, it's a legitimate city. Your own residents still hop in the car for a five-mile trip like they're crossing a state line, which is how you end up with 165 square miles of "I'll meet you halfway" negotiations.

Keeper of the Plains: A 44-Foot Statue Watching Over Your Questionable Choices

Every great city needs a landmark, and Wichita's is a good one, even if we're contractually obligated to tease it. Blackbear Bosin created the 44-foot piece, which was dedicated in 1974, and it has become an icon of the city. It stands at the confluence of the Arkansas and Little Arkansas rivers, which locals pronounce correctly and everyone else mangles (it's "Ar-KAN-sas" here, and yes, we've heard your jokes).

The statue is stunning. Created by Kiowa-Comanche artist Blackbear Bosin, the statue honors the region's Native American heritage. Every evening, fire pots at its base light up, creating a beautiful ring of fire with the river gleaming in the background. You can walk up via two cable-stay bridges designed to look like bows and arrows. Is it the second most interesting landmark in town, behind a troll under a grate? That's the roast's opinion. The Keeper has never commented, because he's a professional.

If you want more history, head to Old Cowtown Museum. It recreates frontier life with a replica town consisting of about 40 buildings on 23 acres. Fun fact: Wichita was a rowdy cattle town in the 1870s, which tells you what the cowboys were up to after the cattle drives.

Loose Meat, Loose Standards: Eating Your Way Through Wichita

Now the important part: lunch. Nu Way Cafe has been serving its crumbly, loose-meat sandwiches since 1930, and the great debate continues. Is it a burger? A sandwich? A sloppy joe that skipped the sauce and went straight to therapy? Nobody knows, and everyone's mouth is too full to argue.

Eat one anyway. Wichita is also the birthplace of Pizza Hut, and you can still visit the Pizza Hut Museum. A city that gave the world stuffed-crust nostalgia and a sandwich that disassembles itself is a city with a delicious sense of humor.

Wheat Shockers, WuShock, and the Great Final Four Hangover

Wichita State's teams are the Shockers, a name that traces back to students who worked the wheat harvest, and the university's mascot, WuShock, has had enough redesigns to qualify for witness protection. The football program was shut down in 1986, a fact the city has politely tried to forget while it points at the 2013 Final Four run like it happened last Tuesday.

In fairness, Wichita's real athletic genius is aviation. Back in the 1920s, Wichita traded cowboys for copilots as aviation pioneers Clyde Cessna and Walter Beech laid the groundwork for the Air Capital of the World. The city built the planes. It just never figured out how to build the stadium crowd.

If you want to see that aviation legacy for yourself, the city lists the Kansas Aviation Museum and the B-29 Doc Hangar, Education and Visitors Center among its attractions. Add Exploration Place, the Wichita Art Museum, and the Museum of World Treasures, and you've got a weekend that's better than most cities twice its size.

The Verdict: Come for the Planes, Stay for the Crumbs

Wichita is warm, funny, a little scrappy, and wildly underrated. It has real museums, a genuinely moving landmark, a food scene that stands on its own, and a population that will absolutely give you directions and a casserole. The roast is just love with sharper elbows.

Think we were too nice? See the full roast on RoastMyTown.com.