Roasted Mar 9, 202698 views98 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Wichita calls itself the 'Air Capital of the World' but cut its football program in 1986 because the team kept losing and the budget was a mess. You built planes for decades but couldn't figure out how to get people in the stands at Cessna Stadium. Even your mascot WuShock has been redesigned so many times that nobody can tell if he's a wheat head or a witness protection case.
Nu Way Cafe has been serving loose-meat sandwiches since 1930, and locals still can't decide if they're sandwiches or burgers. It's ground beef that falls apart in your hands like your city's attempt at relevance. You've been perfecting a sloppy joe without the sauce for over 90 years - truly the pinnacle of Midwestern cuisine innovation.
Your sports teams are named after college kids who worked the wheat harvest to earn money, and somehow that's still the most exciting thing about Wichita athletics. The basketball team made a Final Four run in 2013, and the city hasn't stopped talking about it like it was yesterday. At least WuShock's multiple facelifts show more character development than your sports programs.
You built a 44-foot statue at the confluence of two rivers that most people can't pronounce, and it's still the only thing anyone remembers about your skyline. The Keeper watches over a city so forgettable that people confuse it with Wichita Falls, Texas. Even your own residents act like driving five miles across town is a cross-country road trip.
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