Roasted Apr 21, 2026115 views115 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
You're filthy rich, arrogant, and cold as the North Sea winds, living in your hillside mansion with 4,864 stairs because apparently walking to your front door wasn't exclusive enough. While regular people scrape together cents for a beer, you're splashing puddle water from your Mercedes because basic human decency is for people who shop at Aldi.
Your neighborhood has 4,864 stairs and entire streets of houses reachable only on foot - because nothing says "I'm better than you" like making the pizza delivery guy climb a small mountain. You turned basic mobility into a class barrier, creating Germany's most pretentious obstacle course where expensive real estate prices are justified by making everyone earn their right to visit you through cardiovascular torture.
While the rest of Germany munches pork, you're staring at the Elbe, wishing you were fishing for something other than compliments, because apparently your wealth comes with mandatory maritime LARPing. Some Germans think you speak like pirates and that sailor culture left behind a mentality open to loose morality - which explains why your neighborhood motto is basically "Ahoy, I have more money than you."
You've got your Blankeneser and Mühlenberger Sailing Clubs, but let's be honest - you're not there for the sailing, you're there to network with other people whose personalities were surgically replaced with stock portfolios. These clubs exist so you can compare your bank balances while pretending to care about wind direction and yacht maintenance you'll never do yourself.
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