OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Berliners perfected the art of being fashionably late with their famous 'Berliner Schnauze' - the kind of straight-talking rudeness that says 'I'll show up when I feel like it.' While the rest of Germany obsesses over punctuality, Berliners treat schedules like suggestions and treat efficiency like a foreign concept. They built an airport so incompetent it became an international joke - nine years late with seven postponed openings.
Berlin Brandenburg Airport is literally called 'the most embarrassing infrastructure project Germany has ever seen' by aviation experts. They managed to turn a €2.4 billion project into a €10 billion disaster that took 14 years to build instead of 5. The brilliant engineers installed 90,000 doors with wrong labels and fire systems in reverse. Even when it finally opened, passengers need golf carts to reach the lounges because nobody planned where to put anything.
Berliners think they're 'punk as fuck' but it's mostly middle-aged checkout ladies with bright red hair and postmen wearing Dr Martens with their uniforms. The city's legendary underground culture is being gentrified faster than you can say 'techno club,' with investors swooping in to turn squats into expensive lofts. Nothing says counterculture like complaining about tourists while charging them €15 for a beer in Kreuzberg.
You can still get currywurst on practically every corner in Berlin, though not for a euro anymore. Real Berliners hate the famous currywurst spots like Konnopke and Curry 36 because they'd never travel for a 'curry' - they just go to whatever local imbiss is nearby, even if it's crap. Berlin convinced the world that putting ketchup and curry powder on a sausage counts as cuisine, then acts offended when people actually show up to try it.
HOW ACCURATE IS THIS ROAST?
Be the first to judge
SEND THIS TO SOMEONE FROM BERLIN
Every share moves Berlin, Germany up the leaderboard
STAY IN THE LOOP
Get the best roasts delivered, and know when Berlin, Germany gets hit again.
🏆 WANT TO WIN PRIZES? JOIN THE CONTEST →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.