Roasted Apr 21, 202682 views82 pts
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Starbucks is a global coffee empire, and in Anchorage it still has to elbow its way past Kaladi Brothers Coffee, a local chain Alaskans actually brag about. Imagine being a worldwide brand and getting treated like the tourist trap by people who probably learned to brew during their five hours of winter daylight.
Where punctuality goes to die and everyone operates on "Alaskan Time" - a magical state of mind where being organized is considered suspicious. They're so laid-back about schedules, they probably show up late to their own earthquakes.
Nothing says "sophisticated food scene" like grabbing a reindeer hot dog from a cart while pretending this counts as experiencing authentic Alaskan culture. At least when they say their food has character, they mean it literally walked around with antlers.
Anchorage covers roughly 1,700 square miles, which sounds impressive until you realize most of that space is just really expensive parking for moose. It's like bragging about having the biggest empty warehouse in the neighborhood.
Be the first to judge
Every share moves Anchorage, Alaska up the leaderboard
Put Anchorage in the ring with a rival. Four rounds, one survivor.
Or settle it with a neighbor:
The best roasts every Friday, delivered with mild apologies. Plus a heads-up when Anchorage, Alaska gets hit again.
Want to win prizes? Join the contest →All roasts are fictional and affectionate. Probably.