Minneapolis vs. Saint Paul
Twin Cities, Zero Chill: Glass Towers vs. Pig's Eye
Minneapolis and Saint Paul are separated by a river and about ten miles, and they've spent 150 years defining themselves as 'not the other one.' Minneapolis thinks Saint Paul is a sleepy suburb with a capitol, and Saint Paul thinks Minneapolis is a yuppie mall with a lake.
In this corner
Minneapolis
1
And in this corner
Saint Paul
3
- Round 1HISTORY
Minneapolis
Minneapolis once padded its census by counting the dead in its cemeteries, so the city that brags about being big was literally counting corpses to get there.
Saint PaulSurvives
Saint Paul's founding father was Pig's Eye Parrant, a bootlegging fur trapper, and the city was nearly named after him. Saint Paul also padded its census, with hundreds of imaginary people living in Union Depot.
Both cooked the books, but a bootlegger founder and a city built on Hamm's and Schmidt beer beats a graveyard headcount.
- Round 2WEATHER
Minneapolis
Minneapolis calls itself the City of Lakes, which in January means a city of very large, very flat ice rinks where everyone is cold and insists they love it.
Saint PaulSurvives
In 1885 a New York reporter called Saint Paul 'another Siberia, unfit for human habitation,' and the city's response was to throw a Winter Carnival with Klondike Kates and ice sculptures. That's how Saint Paul handles a bad review: it gets louder.
Saint Paul turned an insult into a 139-year-old festival, while Minneapolis just put on a second sweater.
- Round 3SPORTS
MinneapolisSurvives
Minneapolis has the Vikings, Twins, and Timberwolves, three teams that between them have broken a lot of hearts. Fans bring unlimited hope to Target Field and Target Center and leave with a receipt.
Saint Paul
Saint Paul has the Wild at the Xcel Center, since renamed Grand Casino Arena, plus the Saints, whose sumo wrestlers and Bill Murray ownership tell you everything about the city's commitment to chaos. It also needs a $769 million makeover for a 25-year-old arena.
Minneapolis wins on sheer number of teams and heartbreak, and Saint Paul asking for $769 million to fix a 25-year-old barn doesn't help.
- Round 4VIBES
Minneapolis
Minneapolis is the flashy glass-skyscraper city that thinks it's the first city of the West. It's home to Target headquarters, First Avenue, and an art college where kids go to wear ironic sweaters, and its residents are accused of sooner spitting on their grandmothers than crossing the river.
Saint PaulSurvives
Saint Paul is the old-money brick city of Irish Catholics, Summit Avenue mansions, and a downtown that is dead after dark. Minneapolis calls it a sleepy suburb, and CNN once listed it as a 'neighborhood' of Minneapolis.
Being called a neighborhood by CNN hurts, but Minneapolis showing off in ironic sweaters hurts more.
The verdict
Saint Paul wins, 3–1.
A city that answers Siberia jokes with a carnival and was founded by a bootlegger can survive being called a suburb. Minneapolis is still off somewhere admiring its own reflection in a lake.
Who really won?
The judge has spoken. Now you do.
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