OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Your town's biggest claim to fame is making it onto 'unusual place names' lists because apparently nobody could think of anything less awkward to name a community. The fact that you're proud of lakes that 'resemble an eagle with outstretched wings when viewed from above' suggests your tourism board is really reaching for material.
Nothing says 'thriving cultural scene' like a water ski show that's been doing the same tricks since the Johnson administration. Your community's idea of peak entertainment is watching the Badwater Ski-Ters perform 'rain or shine' on Wednesday and Sunday nights, because apparently there's literally nothing else to do in a town where 55% of houses sit empty most of the year.
Spread Eagle can't even be bothered to incorporate as a real town - you're just an 'unincorporated community' living in someone else's shadow. With no large towns within 20 miles and residents commuting to Michigan for actual jobs, you've perfected the art of existing without really mattering.
With a 55.5% housing vacancy rate and half the homes being seasonal cottages, Spread Eagle transforms from 'barely there' to 'completely empty' depending on the season. Your year-round residents are so outnumbered by part-time vacationers that even the retirees who moved there for peace and quiet probably feel crowded.
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