OFFICIAL ROAST REPORT
We're sorry. Actually, no we're not.
Pullman renamed their entire city after George Pullman hoping he'd donate cash to their fledgling college town. He didn't give them a dime. Nothing says 'small-town desperation' like changing your whole identity for a stranger who ghosts you.
Locals give directions by hill names because apparently street addresses are too advanced for the Palouse. College Hill, Military Hill, Pioneer Hill, Sunnyside Hill - four hills, one university, and decades of Apple Cup disappointment. Geography can't fix what coaching can't either.
Since 1989, Pullman's biggest annual event celebrates... lentils. They have cook-offs, parades, and street fairs dedicated to tiny legumes while their football team gets crushed by teams that actually matter. At least the lentils show up consistently.
For the 2024 Apple Cup, UW sold 18,000 tickets while WSU managed a pathetic 1,700. Even their own fans would rather stay home than watch the annual beatdown. When your supporters abandon ship faster than the team abandons hope, you know it's bad.
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